Episode #20 | How to Determine the Purpose of Your Wedding | The Un-Wedding Podcast

Sydney Spidell 0:11

Welcome to the Un-Wedding Podcast. I'm Sydney

Corina Waldie 0:14

and I'm Corina,

Sydney Spidell 0:15

We're two neurodiverse wedding planners who are committed to empowering newlyweds to throw out the wedding rulebook, shrink their guestlist and create a meaningful, purposeful wedding experience. We're taking the wedding industry by storm and disrupting the status quo, where the Un-Wedding Planners and we invite you to join our movement.

Corina Waldie 0:33

We record our podcast from Treaty Six Territory, a traditional gathering place for diverse Indigenous Peoples including the Cree, Blackfoot, Metis, Nakota Sioux, Iroquois, Dene, Ojibwe, Saulteaux, Anishinaabe, Inuit, and many others, whose histories, languages and cultures continue to influence our vibrant community.

Sydney Spidell 0:57

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of the Un-Wedding Podcast. Last week, we wrapped up our series - What Weddings Are Made Of - where we talked about what each of the most common parts of western weddings are, and what you might or might not want to include in yours. But we're not diving into a new series today. Instead, we wanted to expand on a concept that we talk about in every single episode, and that is purpose. We know you know what that word means you've seen a dictionary before. You probably have a vague idea of how you can be purposeful in your wedding planning, but we're going to explain why it matters, why we think it matters, and give you some tools that you can use to create your own wedding purpose and make your wedding planning journey that much less stressful. If we're being cheeky, we can say that the purpose of a wedding is to get married. But that's not quite true. Is it Corina?

Corina Waldie 1:52

No, no, definitely not. So when we're looking at weddings, and we talk about a wedding, the purpose of a wedding being to get married, that's actually not entirely true, because to get married is actually the function of a wedding. And so basically, because let's be honest, you don't need to have a wedding to actually achieve the act of getting married. You can get married for 500 bucks with a commissioner and a marriage license in your living room. Like so all of these extra add ons, you know, all of the flowers and the dress and everything else that goes into these weddings, is all extra, it's a luxury. And so we really need to, you know, moving forward when we're establishing this purpose statement, is really figuring out and identifying why you're going through the cost and the stress and the expense of having this wedding in the first place. Right?

Corina Waldie 2:45

Yeah, because I think, you know, if you, if you want this, there's a reason that you want it. And that's fine in and of itself. Like Corina said, if you want to just get married, there are ways to do that. But if you want to have a wedding, there's probably a reason as to why you're willing to go through all of that. And, you know, any wedding is just any wedding, without purpose - without you doing something that says, Okay, this is why we are here in this moment with these people. And it just it it changes every decision that you make going forward, it allows you to make decisions that actually make it your wedding, rather than making it someone's wedding. A wedding, another wedding.

Corina Waldie 3:28

Yeah, and I think a lot of those, you know, when we're talking about ways to make this your wedding, it's important to really identify the why behind, like I said, the why behind you're doing this wedding in the first place. And these reasons why these whys can come for, you know, most people have some kind of preconceived notion about what they want their wedding to be. Now this can come from the media, this can come from, you know, maybe they, you grew up with this idea that you were going to have the big princess wedding one of these days, you know, could be from other weddings you've attended. So there's all these different, you know, often preconceived notions. And so, you know, figuring out and sort of really writing this statement really helps you to sort of define what it is that you're trying to achieve by hosting a wedding.

Sydney Spidell 4:17

Yeah because there's nothing wrong with being inspired by a beautiful movie with something awesome.

Corina Waldie 4:21

No

Sydney Spidell 4:22

But there could be something that you know, when you come up with that wedding purpose, and yet you're like, but we really do want to drive away in a giant glass carriage. If you look at that, it might not actually support your purpose at all. It might just be something super awesome that you want to do some time, but maybe your wedding

Corina Waldie 4:40

Hey I did a horse and carriage was awesome.

Sydney Spidell 4:41

And maybe your wedding isn't the place for that experience that you really want to have because it doesn't support your purpose. Maybe it does. But coming up with that purpose statement allows you then to be like okay, this is an amazing idea, but it doesn't feed into our wedding purpose. So maybe it's instead, you know, what we're gonna do for your birthday, let's go find a carriage and pretend to be Cinderella.

Corina Waldie 5:10

Well, and I also think, too, that the, you know, the bottom line is that when we're talking about weddings, and you know, all these different expectations and all these different things, it's very clear that you can really do anything with your wedding. If you want to jump out of a plane over the Grand Canyon and say your vows, we can figure out a way to make that happen.

Sydney Spidell 5:28

That sounds like your dream, doesn't it Corina?

Corina Waldie 5:30

No, I'm never jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. I draw the line at heights, no, commercial flying is bad enough.

Sydney Spidell 5:38

I'll do it.

Corina Waldie 5:39

But you know, like, I remember seeing this wedding in a magazine a couple of years ago, where this couple got married over a canyon, and they put nets out. Like you can really do anything and go as extravagant as you want, you can go as simple as you want, you know, and the choices are very quickly over like they, they can completely overwhelm you, especially if you don't have a lot of preconceived notions about what a wedding is going to be. So this purpose statement that we're going to help you walk through writing throughout the course of this episode, is really what you're doing is you're creating the sort of like guiding light that can help you to make all of the decisions, both major and minute. Because if you are presented with multiple options, or multiple ideas, you can sort of really revisit that statement and go, Okay, does this option fit into our wedding purpose? Does it not? And really, sort of, it can be an instant way to cut down overwhelm, and really, you know, achieve what it is, again, that you want with your wedding because you're, you know, making these decisions that much easier.

Sydney Spidell 6:42

We talked about where you can use these before in previous episodes, too. I mean, like, Let's go way, way back to like Insidious In-Laws. And we're talking about needing to deal with a parent who is a little bit overbearing, and their suggestions towards you. And using your purpose statement is such an awesome tool to be like, Hey, you're still included. And part of me, including you, is bringing up this purpose that we had come up with reminding you that this is our purpose and walking you through how this idea doesn't feed into that.

Corina Waldie 6:42

Yeah,

Sydney Spidell 6:42

When you're dealing with in-law drama, we know there are so many movies about it, there has to be some sort of like reason behind the cliche and stereotype here, right? That there's some difficulty in the merging of families. So why not make it easier on yourself? If there's a way, if there's a tool, why not use it,

Corina Waldie 7:31

It's honestly, your purpose statement can be a great way to manage that because especially if you have an overbearing parent, or somebody giving you an ultimatum. I hate it - you know, we've talked a lot about this idea of like, you know, parents giving you money, if XYZ. You know, this purpose statement really comes into play, because then you can say to your parent, or whatever, I'm sorry, like, this is not what we want. This is our purpose statement. And I'm sorry, this doesn't fit in with your expectation or your requirement. Like it just almost it helps you to place those boundaries. And it helps you to manage the expectations of your insidious in-laws, whether that's your family, or that your partner's family or whoever, and really sort of create a wedding that's really about what you both want, and not what everybody else wants.

Sydney Spidell 8:18

Totally novel concept. Okay, so now you and your partner have heard us yammering about this for however long, you've been listening to this podcast. So are we finally going to tell you how to do it? It's not

Corina Waldie 8:29

Yay! Let's do it!

Sydney Spidell 8:31

It's not exactly a step by step this is going to work and you are going to come up with something on the other end that reflects you entirely. This is an exercise like any other that is going to take effort from the both of you. Honesty, open communication and you know, a goal of teamwork to get toward, to get this purpose. And the first thing to do is just to use some questions. Ask yourself some questions and figure out how you would answer them, answer them separately, answer them together and talk about it.

Corina Waldie 9:00

Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, the very first question that I ask couples, when we're starting to draft this purpose statement, is, you know, what need is having your wedding fulfill? So you know, for many people this is, you know, a need Yes, of course might be to get married, but maybe it's because you have a sick parent, and we want to have a wedding and experience these traditions with that parent before, you know, whatever. Maybe it's, you know, we want to just celebrate and we want to, you know, we're big partiers, we want to have this big party, we want to really celebrate our love and our marriage. So it's really important to think about the needs that your wedding is going to fulfill and start identifying them. And I will just say a quick caveat here. You can have different needs from your partner. You and your partner can be coming into this with different perspectives on things, different expectations, we're often coming from different family and cultural backgrounds. So it's really important that that through this discussion, that this A - is a discussion, but too that it's also, you know, you're really, you know, thinking through or understanding your partner through this and potentially compromising or trying to understand why this is something that they need.

Remember, this whole engagement wedding planning process is a team building exercise. Okay, so let's case study us for a second. You know, I love to drop this, Coria, you and I are getting married. That's our favorite thing. I love a good roleplay, I gotta say, it's a roleplay kind of gal. So. So you and I, instead of building this business,

Oh....

She can't get over it. It's so great. This is how you know, like, I was raised in the church, but she was raised deep in the church. It's so easy. So you and I, instead of our business, we are planning our wedding. So what is the, what need of involving a whole bunch of people in this to celebrate us is there for me? It would be about like, bringing together the people that have supported us over the effort to get to that point to thank them and say, Hey, you were a part of this.

And, and for me, a need would be honestly, I love experiences. I love creating experiences. So it kind of builds on, on what you said about thanking your guests, but also creating something that gives them an awesome memorable experience to really, you know, leave a lasting impact

No, I kind of love that, Corina because experience is the root of what we're doing and what we are building together. So it makes sense that we would want to make sure that experience is a word that is super prominent in our wedding. So yeah, maybe the need is to provide an experience - something totally immersive and engaging that thanks, people who have gotten us where we are today, on top of the world,

Absolutely. On top of the world

Clearly. Okay. And then the next question that we might ask is, why is it important for you to have a wedding? And why now? So like you mentioned, when we were talking about the last question, it could be that there's some sort of health need within your immediate community that's making that deadline a little bit closer to you. It could also be because it is a cultural tradition, and you know, your wedding is going to be considered that much more legitimate even to you with a wedding. Perhaps without it, it's not it's not a true marriage, you know. It could be a reason.

Well, we're even seeing you know, a lot of answers that I'm seeing now in consults as a as a walk couples through this is, a lot of people have been engaged for a long time, thanks to the pandemic. We're coming out of the pandemic, they just want to get married. That's now, that's why. They want to get married, and they want to have a good time doing it. Especially after all the sacrifices people have made over the last couple of years. Maybe you are looking to start a family or buy a house and having a wedding is sort of for you maybe part of this journey.

It's your little kick-off into your next milestone

Right. Exactly. So, you know, it's really important to like I said, again, identify, you know, why, again, you're coming back to why now, why is it important for you to have a wedding. So outside of the why...

I feel like our little example twe could use that in like, with, you know, same thing with the pandemic spin here. And we just really want to get our business going, you know, we want to be out there and celebrating love.

Yeah.

And marriage with all of these people. And and that's why now and that's why it's important for us to have this big celebration.

But it's also important too to recognize just the why in general. So like so for example, in my case, you know, I came from a very traditionally minded family, it was always expected that I have the big family wedding

To be clear, we're talking about Corina's actual wedding now, not her imaginary wedding to me.

Yeah we're talking about my actual wedding,

My mind will always go to our imaginary wedding, Corina's will always be default with her real one for some reason. Okay, Jon's important.

Because Jon is important. But you know, there was like I said, one part of the Why was there was this expectation that we were having a big family wedding that everybody needed to be included. And we wanted to do all of the traditional, a lot of the traditional things were expected and anticipated as part of that. So that was a why that we had that wedding. Perhaps you could be like some of elopement couples who are - we have one couple right now that we're working with, who are actually flying in from the United States to get married in the Banff region. And they are like, Yeah, we just want to run away, like we want to get married. We love each other but we don't want our families around. You know, and we want to just have something that focuses on us and focuses on the vows we're about to make to each other. That's a great reason to have a wedding or to have an elopement. You know, so it doesn't have to be preconceived notions, it can just be who you are as people. It's about what makes sense for you right now in your lives.

And then you're okay, so you figured out your the need, you figured out the importance. And so now, it's Who are you bringing into the celebration? And why? And what impact do you want that wedding to have on it? So in our little roleplay situation, we kind of already touched on this, that obviously, if that need that our wedding would fulfill is to thank people, clearly, we've kind of got to have those people there. And the part that you said about that experience that impact that we want to have on them - Well, obviously, it's got to be this amazing, immersive experience that showcases what we do with our business. So we've already answered that question in our first question, and it's getting that much clearer.

Yeah, absolutely. And in terms of, you know, the, who you're celebrating with, and the impact as well, it can also, it doesn't necessarily even have to be like giving them a great experience, you can even say things like, Okay, I want them to feel cared for, I want them to feel like we appreciate them. You know...

You want them to feel like they were invited for a reason.

Exactly. Because I think, you know, we have this habit in our culture of, especially with bigger weddings, where you just start inviting everybody who's a part of your life in, you know, whatever way - everything from immediate family members all the way down to coworkers, and acquaintances, and you end up with all these strangers at your wedding. If that's something that you want, because you're having a big party, and you want those bodies there to help make the party that much more awesome, absolutely, go for that.

My best friend's wedding in September is gonna be that, and like as many plus one's as possible just to get it to rager status.

And then, you know, in terms of, maybe like, that's not who you are, as people. Maybe as people, you want to create something that's focused on your closest friends and family, and therefore you're focusing on an elopement or something a little bit more intimate or a micro wedding where you can, you know, really, you know, up the luxury level or up the experience and really create something that super special for that very unique and intentional group of guests. Again, that it just really depends on who you are, and what kind of wedding you want. But as it's important to really identify the people that you want to surround yourself with, because this is a key moment in your life.

It makes me think of actually this one discovery call I had with a couple that didn't end up moving forward, unfortunately. But they were amazing. And I hope they're listening to this because you guys are great. But one thing through that conversation, as we were talking, they were talking about the friends that they wanted to have involved in this. And they were saying words like involved. And as I asked, as I asked more questions, I was saying so you want these friends to play an active part and have a responsibility or a role within the wedding? And they kind of looked at me like, Oh, is that what we're what we're saying? And I was like, I mean, it really could be - there's no rules, nothing structuring you in. And like I said, it didn't go on. So I have no idea how that turned out. But it fairly easily could have been that within that question. As they kept repeating. They were essentially telling me what the purpose of their wedding was without even knowing it. And the fact that they were saying they want their friends to be involved, in my mind, this was already shaping up as a place of like, maybe we got the officiant in and to make it legal and everything. But beyond that every part of the ceremony is something that their friends get to lead and take part in. So everybody who is there is going to be an active participant in that marriage. Now, like I said, Who knows if it went that way? But if that's the kind of purpose that sort of stems out of it, is that you want to engage these people in that way, why not make them responsible for actually marrying you?

Yeah, absolutely. You know, in, like I said, that's something that within the overall experience that we're actually going to talk a lot more about in our next episode. But within the scope of the experience, it really is about keeping people included and keeping them engaged within the wedding day. Because I think, you know, so often times when we're talking about a wedding as a guest, you sort of just kind of float, because most weddings follow a very typical or, you know, typical timeline. We do ceremony, we do cocktail hour, we do reception with a dinner and then a dance and so we just sort of kind of are left to our own devices and we aren't necessarily engaging in what's going on. We chat out or table or chat with whatever people were there with and it's just sort of what's expected. So when you're thinking about these things, if that's an outcome that you want, if you want to engage your guests and give them something that is really entertaining, that can also be part of the impact that you are leaving on them is that you're not creating the typical wedding in that way.

And then the last question that we have would be, what would have to happen for you to feel really good about your wedding day now and down the road? So think about the things together. I am separately again, like that first thing, what are the needs there? Think about like okay for me, I would really, back to our little roleplay situation here with Corina, I'm sorry, You know, okay, on order for me to feel absolutely fantastic about this. I'm really going to need a full magic show. That's what I need. I need magic. I need magic.

Yeah, yeah. And you know, that's a fun memory that I'm sure you'll have, in the days immediately following and, you know, 5, 10 years down the road.

Yeah because every day, I just got a call mentioned do like, how did they do that?

I would probably at that point, just pay the magician to train you, just to get you off my back. But you know,

Hi, I have work to do, can you take my business partner, please?

But the, you know, in terms of, you know, what would have to happen. So, you know, for me, like, kinda going back to my own wedding. When I think about that day, it was very important for me, I've talked in recent episodes, about my dad, and about how my dad passed away, within a couple of years of our wedding, and how those memories that I have the, you know, our first dance, him walking me down the aisle and giving me away, yes, very traditional. But they are something for me that I really, really wanted, going into that day. And to have those moments, they're now moments that I treasure. They helped me feel really, really great that I actually, despite all the challenges, that I went through the effort of having a big wedding, especially knowing what happened afterwards. But it doesn't have to be necessarily anything that's serious, maybe you just want your guests to be able to come back to you afterwards and be like, "Oh, my God, that was awesome. Like best wedding I've ever attended. I can't"

That's a huge one, when you want that experience at the end, that means you're gonna have to be putting a lot of effort into making, making an event that knock people's socks off, right? It could also be, you know, I want no family drama. In order for this to go really well, I want to be able to avoid my parents getting in a big fight. That could be that could be something that's really, really important. As well as just taking into consideration, maybe patterns that happen in your community and seeing, okay, we want to do stuff that avoids it. Because that's going to change your purpose too. Whether if that's it, then maybe it means that you are limiting your guestlist to limit the amount of things that can set people off. Or maybe you're intentionally designing spaces so that people can go be separated and deescalate when it's necessary, if you find that. Because I mean, if you've got anger and your family, if you've got drama, and your family, it happens, it's such a common thing. There's no reason that you don't deserve to celebrate and have fun as well. But it does mean that you might want to plan around it a little bit.

Yeah, definitely. And you know, it could also even just be that you know, kind of, you know, maybe you want something specific. You know, maybe you have seen a photo booth at a wedding and you really want a photo booth.

Or a magician.

Or maybe you want a magician or dancers or

Frankly even anything but that ongoing thing, you want something that's going to continue to make you happy. What is the thing that tends to stick around the longest is photographs. So if you're thinking about like your long term happiness with that, and that's really important to you, then maybe that is going to affect your purpose. We want to be able to look back on this and have momentos to think that is what we did. And we still remember it fondly.

Yeah, very much. You know so like I think this really can just be any thing. It can be more serious. It can be more lighthearted, it can be a number of things. But all of these things are really going to help you identify what it is that is important to you as you move forward with the decisions and as well as developing your purpose statement

So Corina in our little roleplay what would you need in order to be absolutely thrilled with our wedding?

Oh, for me, I'm a foodie, good food and good drinks all the way.

Okay.

Yeah, that is for me like a non negotiable when it comes to any wedding or event that I plan. Even to this day when I have a dinner party at my house. Which I'm sure like you can speak to Sydney. I usually make way too much food and I eat leftovers for days because like for me like that is what getting together is all about for me. Like it's the food and giving people food and I enjoy cooking and I enjoy wine and all these other sorts of things. So like for me when it comes to a wedding if I was to, you know, whether it's our wedding Sydney or whether I don't know, like,

we got to have the good food,

good food, good drinks, you know, those sorts of things would be super, super important to me.

So then we've run through all of these questions, we've asked ourselves this stuff. And so now we go, okay, maybe we've taken notes and been writing this down, as we've gone through this conversation.

Please write it down, please write it down.

We got to go over that whole list of everything that we've come up with. And we're gonna start like highlighting or pulling out common themes or terms. Things that we see again and again. I mean, in our little scenario there, as we were answering the questions we identified in the first question, and in the third question, something that was the same. So clearly, there were already patterns emerging as we were asking those questions. We already know what we're going to want to then jump off of.

Yeah, exactly. And, you know, I think it's important through the answering of those four questions that you are as detailed as possible, because it does make this identification of all these like common themes and ideas that much easier. You know, even if it's something that ultimately, you can filter it out, it's a silly idea, it can still indicate that, you know, I want something that might fulfill a certain need, or a certain desire or whatever.

Even a silly answer. So the answers that you might think aren't worth putting down or are a dumb answer, even those can create a thru line somewhere. So if you're doing a brain dump, actually do a brain dump, because you might pick up on something really, really awesome and unique.

Absolutely. And it's important to note, like, as you identify themes, you can have as many as you want, you can have as few as you want. But it is also too, its what's really important, though, is to take that list of all of the different things that you came up with and simplify it as much as possible. And so then that way, you can, you know, connect, create connections between these ideas. And these thoughts about the things that are most important to you.

Anyone who had to write a paper, even in high school or in secondary education was like, right, okay. No way to research and then simplify. Got it

Good times.

But yeah,

That's taking me back, I don't miss those days.

That's exactly what we're asking for. It's just you get to be personally involved, you're not just reading some random book. That's exactly it and paring things down and simplifying, and getting to that streamlined, you know, through lines is going to make it that much easier for you to craft a purpose statement that actually means something and isn't just kind of like trying to answer as many questions as you can with as few words as possible, because that's not going to get you anything unique.

And in terms of those like common themes as well, it's really important to make sure that, you know, it isn't, you know, when you're creating a common theme that isn't just like a list of details, or, you know, that like a list of must haves, it's really about like listing outcomes. So you know, if you've any kind of project management background, you know, what I'm talking about when we kind of sit down and we establish that these are certain key goals or certain key outcomes that we want. That's literally what you're looking for when we're talking about key themes and key ideas, is outcomes specific and tangible.

Keep talking about the methods in which you're trying to get there and focusing on those, then if you do run up against an obstacle, that then makes that difficult or impossible or changes some other plan, it can be the most heart wrenching thing, just don't feel like you have to say goodbye to something that you had your heart set on. So when you're doing a purpose statement, and you are getting rid of those individual items, and instead are talking more about that reality, and that outcome, as Corina was saying, then you're going to make it a little bit easier on your little sweet heart, as you're going through these situations to deal with contingencies as they come up, because they will.

Oh, exactly. And you know, like some of these details are things that you've shelved, it's not saying that it might not come back up in planning or something that you can add later. Like I said, this, this is really about, you know, focusing ultimately, on how you want yourselves and your guests, if you're choosing to have them, to feel having been to and experience your wedding day. That's really kind of the end all and be all when we're talking about focusing on outcome,

yeah, so that statement, then once you've narrowed down those, those themes and everything. Now, this is again, we're going back into the you know, post secondary learning, this is your hypothesis statement. So you've taken all of those, you've narrowed it down, you brought it into window, and now you're going to come up with something that is clear, straightforward, and says what you want it to say. So we've done this roleplay work Corina, now we're going to craft our purpose statement. I feel like we would be talking something to do. Like we said, it's not about the specifics. So we're probably not going to talk about the fact that we need a magic show in here. Even though I've already made that clear, and so she has an idea and so she's gonna do her best to help me out and make that work. Um, but we do know that we want a totally immersive and experiential event with a touch of magic that says a huge thank you to the people that we've brought on and shows them what we can do. So what's the purpose statement for that here, put your brain to work, sum it up, make it clear,

Oh, man, I should have been taken notes. I usually take notes when I have to craft these. But ultimately, I would say that your - we would be looking to create a wedding experience that focuses on those in our lives who are most important to us. And, you know, shows that we're internally like, we are so grateful for everything that they have done for us, in supporting us as we've launched and grown this business and we want to give them an awesome experience that they won't soon forget, in order to celebrate that.

So what are some other examples of purpose statements that real people have come up with? They've done this work, they figured this out? What did they end up with?

Well, and these are actually all from active clients that we're working on right now. So these weddings will be coming out later this year.

So check in later held up our end of the deal.

So I will tell you just kind of briefly what the wedding, the wedding type is that we're planning just so that it makes sense. So this is actually the purpose dating for the couples I mentioned earlier that are coming to get married in Banff from the States. And their purpose statement was do or is to create a beautiful, immersive moment in the natural beauty of Banff National Park, where we can connect more deeply with each other, share an amazing experience, but most importantly, celebrate who we are, and the future that we are building together.

Beautiful. Beautiful

So that's one example. And then the other example our clients, this is a intimate wedding that we're doing here close to Edmonton, for about 65 people. This one, I'm super stoked for this wedding as well. But it is really, for this particular couple, they really wanted to create something entirely unique, entirely different. We're doing like, Bilbo Baggins Garden Party meets Renaissance fair, it's going to be awesome in a crazy awesome time. So I cannot wait. But one of the things about this couple is they do have they do have certain disabilities, they have a lot of guests that are coming to have needs. And so accessibility was something that was incredibly important to them as part of this event. That we're not just creating a fun, unique, awesome event that we're ensuring that it's accessible too. So there and also too they wanted to create something where they're celebrating both their biological families and chosen families. So their purpose statement ended up being, "To create a wedding celebration that allows us to share our love and connect with each other, our chosen family and biological families in a meaningful way and in a format that is accessible to both our needs and that of our guests. But most of all, to create an experience that is fun, outside the wedding norms, and is a true reflection of love and our authentic selves.

See, they're so beautiful. And what a, I think too in a way, these can be awesome jumping off points for vow creation, as well. Your vows, you know, the purpose of your marriage again, as we already said, marriage and getting married are different than a wedding. And so it does follow that your purpose is probably going to be a little bit different. But theoretically, the wedding that you're having is to foreshadow the marriage to come. And so you can use these statements as a good of like, this is why we made all of these decisions for our wedding. This is where we brought us. If you're struggling with those vows, you can look to all of the decisions you made in planning your wedding to figure out exactly those things that you're planning on celebrating and your partner ongoing. Right.

And I think it's also important too that when you're like reading that statement that you do have an emotional reaction to that in the sense that it's like yeah, this feels good. Like, yes, this is the kind of wedding that I want to create, you know, this is something that really aligns with, you know, who I am and you know, who we are as people and who I am individually and it's really going to meet my needs. So I think that statement ultimately like said needs to hit you need to feel that gut reaction that you know, something in your gut that this is yes, this is chef's kiss.

Okay, wait, are you ready? I'm going to try and come up with a little thing to exhibit our passion for experience and intentional, accessible design with the people who have put work in to get us where we are and enable them to feel all that we work towards so they can feel good in continuing to support us. That's an okay, one

Yeah, that works. Yeah, absolutely. And I think like I said, I think the sooner the more common themes that you can find among all the different needs and wants and preconceived notions you have, the more that statement is going to feel in alignment with who you are and what you want.

Yeah.

Okay, so great, you now have this statement, you can, you can edit it, you can, whatever I suggest to my couples, I actually put it at the top of their planning portals so that as they're looking at their documents moving forward, they see that purpose statement all the time.

It's right there, grabbing your attention.

Because that something, it's right there, grab your attention, it goes on their proposals, like we bring this into every single element of the planning of their day, this purpose statement that we write. But for us, like if you're going and you're doing this purpose statement on your own, you know, what do you do with it with, without the planning portal in front of you. So you know, it's really just important that you keep your focus on it. You know, write it down on a piece of paper and stick it somewhere, stick it on your fridge so that you can see it all the time, whatever.

If you're old school and have a wedding planning binder but binder binder binder..

Yeah, page one, right repress it or put it on the cover. So, you know, whatever it whatever like materials you're using, put it somewhere that it's going to be visible that you can revisit it that you can remember. If you're going a little more techy, you know, maybe you create a phone wallpaper and you put it on your lockscreen so that you can read it. I don't know, that's a little cheesy. But you know,

Be cheesy, we love cheesy.

It's really important to keep it to keep it in focus. Because if you lose, like all things, if you lose sight of this purpose, your overwhelm will come back, as you move forward, or your wedding might not end up looking like what you had hoped. So like I said, as we said, at the beginning

Make it like a mantra in like, whatever time you work with your partner, you take into like a wedding planning session. And we've talked about this before, we do advocate for actually like setting time to do the wedding stuff instead of just feeling immersed in it all the time. But you and your partner can sort of like state this to each other, or even just to yourselves internally, if you're not all about that hoo hoo stuff. And just take some time to like, be with it and allow it to guide your intention going forward. You know, to get taken in as like a little meditation moment and go from there.

Yeah. And then ultimately, use it for every single decision that you make for your wedding. You know, it could be something minute doesn't really necessarily contribute one way or the other. And that's fine. But you know, just so like anytime ever struggling with transportation, or in decisiveness, if you just don't know what you want to do, use that statement to help narrow down what it is that you are looking to have. And to figure out your next step. Like period. Like that's, that's really how you use this. You use this just throughout on a continual basis. You know, there isn't really some magic formula we can give you that this purpose statement is going to magically, you know, perpetuate this huge wedding all of a sudden, right?

Well, it's like anythig,

It's a tool.

Yeah, exactly. It's like anything, you can have something there. And it's just about using it. And who knows, maybe if you do make this part of your practice in terms of going throughout your engagement, your wedding planning process, maybe it becomes a tool that you use in other areas of your life too. kay, what is our purpose for this? What is our purpose for that objective, whatever, right? We talked about it with project management. So if you've got a background, there's no reason that you can't utilize those tools as communication tools in your life in any situation.

I still use I used to use purpose in everyday life a lot of times. Like I recently went on holidays, our purpose of we actually talked about the purpose of going away on a holiday. And for us that was rest and relaxation. So this is things that you can ultimately like you said, you can revisit this and bring this into every single element especially anything big that you are you're planning or deciding together is by understanding what your purpose is behind that.

Just consider us your life coaches.

It's super powerful.

We're here for you baby.

Weddings now life coach in the future, who knows? Yeah. All right. So now that you found your purpose, you are Hercules marching up to Mount Olympus with some pep in your step, you can go the distance. Now it's time to put that purpose into practice and incorporate it as the first thing in all of your wedding planning decisions. Follow your purpose and really, you can't go wrong. And what's your wedding purpose, what's your wedding purpose, because we'd love to hear about it, comment or post or send us a DM on our social media. We're @unweddingmovement on Instagram and TikTok. You can also subscribe to our podcast and follow our channels, or head over to our website at unweddingmovement.com and book yourself one of our planning services. And next week we're actually going to dig in and talk about design especially experience design. And this experiential design trend that we like to throw around and talk about in just about every podcast episode. So, so until then, cheers!

You can find us on the Internet at unweddingmovement.com or on Instagram, Tik Tok, Facebook and Pinterest at @unweddingmovement. Our podcast episodes are released weekly and available wherever you'd like to stream.