Episode #15 | Getting Ready & Pre-Ceremony | What Weddings are Made Of | The Un-Wedding Podcast

Corina Waldie 0:12

Welcome to the Un-Wedding Podcast. I'm Corina,

Sydney Spidell 0:14

and I'm Sydney.

Corina Waldie 0:15

We're two neurodiverse wedding planners who are committed to empowering nearlyweds to throw the wedding rulebook, shrink their guest lists and create a meaningful, purposeful wedding experience. We're taking the wedding industry by storm and disrupting the status quo. We're the Un-Wedding Planners and we invite you to join our movement.

Sydney Spidell 0:33

We record our podcast from Treaty Six territory, a traditional gathering place for diverse Indigenous peoples, including the Cree, Blackfoot, Metis, Nakota Sioux, Iroquois, Dene, Ojibwe, Saulteaux, Anishinaabe, Inuit, and many others, whose histories, languages and cultures continue to influence our vibrant communities.

Corina Waldie 0:57

Today on the Un-Wedding Podcast getting ready. This is the third episode in our series, "What Are Weddings Made Of - from proposal to honeymoon." We're gonna be talking about things like hair and makeup, first looks, and should you really see each other before the wedding? Yeah, and remembering to eat. What are the elements that you want to include in your wedding? And what can we throw out the window? And to kick it off, as always, you don't have to do anything. You can roll right out of bed if you like, or build up a whole day of celebration from sunup to sundown. And beyond. You just have to ask, Who is there with you when you are getting ready?

Sydney Spidell 1:36

Yeah, I feel like that's where it all starts is the genesis of this because there are so many different little things that you could include in your whole getting ready portion of the day. Before even thinking about all of them go, the very obvious one, "Do I want to do this beside my partner, you know, do I want them there for this?" Which is not so traditional. We love that. So if it's just with your partner, that's amazing. Or not just with, if your partner is there with you, that's amazing. And it opens up a lot of opportunities for other things, for example, wedding party, get everybody in the same space and get everybody all getting ready together or have it be like just family, and siblings with you or parents with you. Or keep it to just the two of you and have an intimate day where you just get to enjoy each other's company in peace. Getting ready, getting it all together before you make this big commitment together. And, you know, I think that's such a such a beautiful concept of doing it with somebody else. Yeah, it's not the most popular, it's not what has been done. But if you are, let's be real, the main reason people are separated from their partners before the wedding, again, goes back to things that are quite patriarchal. And that is okay, but if you see her the night before the wedding, what if you change your mind and run away and you don't want to accept the land and the daughter that comes with it? We're gonna go ahead and assume that these days, um, if you see your partner the day before your wedding, that should not be cause for you to then be like, um, sorry maybe not.

Corina Waldie 3:31

Sorry? I don't think so.

Sydney Spidell 3:33

If things are that tenuous, don't get married if it comes down to the day before, "Do I want to or not?"

Corina Waldie 3:41

Yes. Well, you know, there's sort of a kind of starts, you know, like, in the last episode, we were talking about rehearsal dinners, and how typically -

Sydney Spidell 3:49

I can't remember, it was so long ago since we recorded that

Corina Waldie 3:53

Where you would have, you know, your rehearsal dinner the day before, and then you would leave your rehearsal dinner, and you would go off and you would, you know, do not see each other until the ceremony, the next day. And you would get together with your and this is assuming that you have gendered wedding parties, but you would typically, you know, spend the morning with your wedding party, your side of the wedding party,

Sydney Spidell 4:12

not even necessarily assuming that you have gendered wedding parties, but assuming that you have separate wedding parties,

Corina Waldie 4:16

or Yeah, separate wedding parties, but you would, you know, if you're, you would have your attendants, you know, one partner would have their attendants and the attendants that they want to be standing next to them and the other partner would have their attendants and you would be getting ready in that environment. You know, and I've been to you know, I've been a bridesmaid several times, and usually, at least when we're talking gendered terms, we're talking about a bride and her bridesmaids and you're getting your makeup done. You might be having some mimosa, you're chilling, you're doing whatever you're kind of just

Sydney Spidell 4:46

Never fight an opportunity for mimosa

Corina Waldie 4:49

I've loved mimosa

Sydney Spidell 4:51

With or without the orange juice too, you know? If it's straight from the bottle of bubbly, I'm okay with that too.

Corina Waldie 4:57

Okay, so when you do get married, that means I have to watch very carefully because if you get married in Alberta, you cannot be drunk or be altered in any way.

Sydney Spidell 5:04

I'm getting married on the high seas. Middle of the water by a pirate, that's the goal. Yeah, no, I think that too, if you do want to keep it separate, kind of leading back to the concept of what when we did talk about like bachelor and bachelorette parties, beforehand, what we wanted to bring it back too was the individuality. Like you are entering this union but you don't want to lose your individuality within that decision. And within, you know, growing together with another person so much like the bachelor or bachelorette is your opportunity to be like, yeah, we're celebrating this love. But we're celebrating it because of who I am not because of who we are. And during that getting ready portion with your just your people. First of all, like bridesmaids, let's go back to medieval times. You've got your lady in waiting, you've got your your people who are around you to support you, make sure that you are presentable, give you the gossip, make sure that you're know what's coming down the road so that you don't get thrown off by anything coming. Like yeah, that's their role. They're very much a posse to help maintain your composure and your image. Like that's, that's an okay distilling that that's an okay thing. Modern wise, too. These are your people who are there to jitters, nerves, normal. Big decision, right. So if you want to kind of just have a meltdown and not freak out your boo, when you do it, because it's all just part of your process of getting out all this extra energy and excitement in you before you do that. Who better than your best pals to be there and fluff ya up and get you going. So, again, you if you draw it back to what this means to you, what kind of support you need, what you want to get out of that time, it makes it so much easier to make these decisions about how you want to structure that in who you are there with you.

Corina Waldie 7:07

Yeah, and I think you know, and once you kind of know the answer to that, it's going to dictate so much else of the day. So you know, if you are getting ready with, you know, especially if you have a large wedding party, and you have eight people or 10 people that need to get their hair and makeup done. Well, you know what we need to make sure that we're allocating enough time for your hair and makeup artists to get in there to do that, and make sure that everybody looks fabulous. Because, you know, oftentimes, as I said before, what ends up happening with these getting ready periods, is they're not properly timed. And then we end up running into cutting out photo time, we end up running into cutting out ceremony time or having a late ceremony and it just ends up snowballing.

Sydney Spidell 7:49

Yeah, if you're going on a budgeted time, based on how long it takes for an appointment for something from a provider, yes, that's great. But then in the rest of your planning, you're assuming then that you are sticking to that time for them, which means that each of your people are sitting and ready to go, when that vendor is. And if that's not what you want. Like if you don't want something a little bit more militant, if you do want it to be quite relaxed, then you're budgeting way more than that.

Corina Waldie 8:20

So like rule of thumb, you know, if you talk, you know, when we do timelines and things like that, we typically allocate about 60 minutes per person for the makeup and 60 minutes per person for the hair. And then for bridal hair, because typically, they want to take a little bit more time a little bit more care, it's 90. So we make sure that there is 90 minutes for the bride. Yeah. For hair, and makeup. So it's very much about making sure that you're spacing those events out. But honestly, it's not just hair and makeup that's happening. There could be other things that are happening, too, that need to be accounted for.

Sydney Spidell 8:52

Photos,

Corina Waldie 8:53

Photos, you know, we're going to be talking more in depth about photos in our next episode. So yeah, but you know, you could have photos going on, you're gonna have, you know, getting dressed, of course, you know, making sure everything is in place and fabulous. And then

Sydney Spidell 9:07

Yeah, and let's not underestimate the effort that goes into that if you are wearing a corsetted dress, and you do not have experience or nobody in your wedding party has experienced it correctly doing up a corset, you want somebody with experience doing that, yes. totally gonna get to celebrate the services of wedding dressers, which is a relatively new concept and so amazing.

Corina Waldie 9:39

Yeah, just a little shout out, you know, because honestly, we're in Edmonton. So our friend Chelsea, at Ivory & Mariner, she offers this service. She has a partner they can come with with her as well to do the guys and the gentlemen and just making sure that everything's taken care of, you know. Sew a button back on if something pops, you know,

Sydney Spidell 9:57

yeah, it's not it's not just the weather dresses, either it's tying certain ties or bow ties. It's knowing how to get stains out of things. I mean, that's also what planners help with. But yeah, again, a little bit slower Ivory and Mariner wedding dressers. If you haven't heard of this concept, go check out Chelsea's website, see what it's all about. And if it's in your budget, make room for it, because you are going to thank her and us for giving you that suggestion. If you do,

And if you do have a planner, many planners will often assign a assistant to the, to you in the morning. We do this sometimes depending on the scope of work and setup. Sometimes I do it, sometimes we do have someone separate, who will be, you know, be kind of assigned to the couple. But, you know, especially like we said with corseting - corseted dresses, because oh my gosh, if those are put on wrong, your photos, your back especially is going to look horrible in photos. I know this because I hate my back in all my wedding photos, beause I had a corsetted dress that was not put on properly. But there's also it just takes time because you have to thread the strings back and forth. You want to make sure it's fit properly, that it's sitting on your body properly.

It's a whole freakin adventure people

it really, it really, really is if you're doing the corsetted dress option. If you have a dress up, maybe zippered but then it has all the little buttons on it - I promise you that's also a pain in the ass. By the way, if you have a dress like that, a crochet hook is your best friend. Other pro tip, but

move on to the next no fingers in the way blessings.

Exactly. So these are things though that unless you thought about these things, these things take time to achieve during the day and making sure you're allocating enough time. But that also brings me on to another very important point is the things that need to be accomplished in the getting ready period.

What else takes time eating, going pee, friggin having a moment to just go step outside because there's not lots of people in a room and it's getting really hot. Like so many little things are going to add time in there. And if you have underfed wedding parties that are going stir crazy and maybe have had a few too many mimosas without enough eggs to back it up, then you're increasing the time of everything that takes too.

And it's not just having a breakfast. So you can have oftentimes, especially with with women, it takes us longer because of the hair and makeup process, it takes us a lot longer to get ready. So food is typically served in the getting ready suite. Whereas oftentimes, typically, we will see like the guys side we'd go for breakfast somewhere. Again, it really depends on your personal situation,

Ya we say and we can and we cannot, right? Like there's so many options.

There's really, you know, we do put a focus on breakfast and having breakfast. But do not forget lunch. I'm like so because here's what's gonna happen. So it didn't really matter what time of year you're getting married. But what's gonna end up happening, especially for wedding couples themselves, they'll go to, they'll be getting ready. Yeah, sure she had, you had your breakfast at eight o'clock in the morning, you're ready, you're dressed, whatever you go for your photos, you go into ceremony, you go into cocktail hour, or you go into reception. Well guess what's happening, you have people who are constantly coming up to you who are interrupting you. And sometimes it's very, very common, unfortunately, for wedding, for the couple to not eat, or not to get a lot of food at their wedding reception.

Ask somebody who's married in your life and just ask them if they had enough to eat on their wedding day. And overwhelmingly the answers will be no. And then just shake the hand of anybody who says yes.

I did. But I was also super intentional about it.

It's amazing what comes from being intentional and planning for something

Very much so.

On a on a body love note too, if you are worried about putting food in your body because of the results on how it's gonna look in photos in your outfit. First of all, I'm sorry. That's awful. And I'm so sad for you. And, you know, all the love and all the luck going forward. It's something that especially women, we all have to deal with. But one thing that this is not gonna be popular consider dress like choosing an outfit that you feel comfortable in. Consider considered don't like go so far out of your element just because you want it to be sensational on the day of and then you're constantly worried about what you're going to look like in it and you don't feed yourself. Your body needs fuel, like it needs it.

Yeah, you know,

If you want to be an asshat on your (wedding day) if you want to be just like a total shithead. Don't eat.

Well and then on top of that, you know, weddings and alcohol go hand in hand if you have not eaten it means that you're going to get drunker faster. It means that you are not going to, you're going to typically have a worst hangover the next day. So it's

A total recipe for barfing on your beloved, as you crawl into your marriage bed for the first time.

Exactly.

Which is disgusting. I hope I made that image visceral enough for you that you eat on your wedding day.

So eat, eat eat, eat. And you know, if you're getting ready in a hotel, many hotels, especially if they do events, can provide food for you, they can be room service delivered right to your food, delivered right to your room. Another great way to do this is to assign a wedding party member to go pick up food. So one of the things I commonly do is, I will say, Okay, have you appointed somebody, and it can be anything. Subway, it can be Wendys, it can be whatever, but you have everybody's orders ready to go. And this is a great role too, for like a guest who's maybe bored in the morning and it's like, what can I do? "Would you actually mind going getting lunch for us?" Because then you can preorder that food somewhere. So like Subway, for example, you get platters or whatever, and then you just go pick that up and whatever. Or we also live in a day of wonderful modern technology, aka Uber Eats. You can Uber eat something and so that everybody can eat but please, please, please don't focus on just breakfast. Please make sure you're also eating lunch so that your blood sugars remain stable. If they crash you are going to be grumpy.

So eat like a bunny that day. It's gonna be a little bit easier for you anyway, I mean, again, all dietary suggestions on here please speak to a registered dietitian if you have particular needs. This is not medical advice. But like if your body can handle it, little snacks throughout the day and just ongoing snacking whenever you have a second to put a little bit of nutritious something in there that's going to give you some energy. Yes, carbs, please. You need those to work. And yeah, just like any anything that's that's little especially if you have makeup on. Bite sized, give yourself that that freedom so nuts and veg and whatever. And in the same vein, your mouth have something

Exactly. I was gonna say like granola bars are great. Fruit-to-Go's are great. But the other thing that I was going to suggest, another thing that kind of goes hand in hand with eating is the making sure you're consuming enough water.

I was just thinking about my water bottle and was like I wonder if we're gonna talk about hydration now.

You know, when you are proper, you know you do want to continue to hydrate throughout the day. I find that you know,

Even if it's just as a hangover Buster like if that's enough of a reason, keep you're (mumble)

Exactly but honestly it's going to help you throughout the day it's going to help you maintain your energy. I speak from, actually this may be kind of a total random aside but I used to work nights dealing blackjack you know random, like fun fact about Corina, she used to deal Blackjack. But when I used to work those late nights, water was the hands down best way to stay awake and alert throughout an evening, when I was working two jobs

We talked about the schedule that's a favorite pick me up to go for as blessed as coffee is

and energy drinks.

Water gives you a perk and gives you to go and doesn't have any of the buzzing hand side effect.

Exactly. So you know drinking water. One of the great ways to do this that I personally love to do - we've done this with our weddings is, we actually do with for our vendors, but we'll have a cooler of drinks with Gatorade and water in it. Especially summertime, so that people can access that. And that water is available and it's cold and it's fresh and oh my goodness that

I cannot stand the taste of Gatorade but as a life saving measure my goodness, I cannot you know, celebrate it enough.

So if you can have somebody that you know you can have a cooler around of that are access to that at some point throughout the day for your wedding party because no only do we want to make sure you're staying hydrated. We want to make sure your wedding party and loved ones have access to this so they can stay hydrated too.

Yeah, yeah, everybody is involved in that eating comfort. And I think it kind of brings us you know, in a circle back to where we started this of going like who do you want around you on this day? Because like we're going to talk more about the photography next week. Two weeks from now, I don't know next week,

Next week.

we're going to talk about it, I promise. But to touch on how it sort of interacts with your getting ready portion. Trendy things these days are things like your first glance photography, or you know your first touch or vow readings, anything that gives you a moment to, with your partner, before it all goes down. In opposition of that you cannot see the bride before the wedding tradition thing. So that kind of stemmed out of a little bit of defiance for that but far more for practical reasons of saying like if you have that moment, then you can get all of your couple portraiture done before the ceremony, which, on a timeline management point of view is essential, like actually essential, like the headaches of doing it the other way are so common. That it just like if you can flop it around, do it.

Yeah

it's really, really boring. So if you can, taking that opportunity to do the first look, and I'm going to be honest, and I will get a lot more into this next week. First look, photos are like, kind of my favorites. They're also a great way to calm your nerves if you're a very anxious person by seeing your partner. But you know, it really allows us timeline wise to, to bang out all those photos, go to your ceremony. And then from ceremony, you get to flow right into cocktail hour and reception. So it's a better experience for you. And it's better experience for your guests.

And again, as I like we're going to expand on this more, I am less inclined, like personally, I'm not as drawn to the first glance photos. But I do love the idea of separating your portraits from that day, or at least that time. So whether you do them before, like on a completely different day, or after the wedding. And it's totally different location, totally different outfits, whatever you want to do. Like that's a little that speaks a little bit more to me, because I really like the concept of the people that I've invited to this wedding getting to be there for that reveal moment. So it is all about personal taste, that logistics thing can be made to work, no matter what decision you want to go for. But if you aren't interested in doing that first glance photo with your partner, if you do want the ceremony to be it, but you're also still wanting to capture something that is very intimate, and emotional and meaningful. The one that I love is doing a first glance, but with your parents instead of your partner. And for any partner, like not specific to gender or anything. Because I think for like for you and your partner, the moment of the ceremony like it, that's what it's all about. And and yeah, seeing you in an outfit that is specifically tailored for that event and makes your mind go there is a complete thing in and of itself. But that kind of emotional connection is something that your parents are going to have with that outfit, too. So giving them a moment to be like, okay, yeah, this is this is happening. And this is for you. And this is the time that you are going to see me about to step down the aisle. And because you're my parents, again, depending on the relationship you have with them, if that's appropriate. Like that can be such an awesome gift to share. And I imagine something that's going to be so cherished. I mean, our listeners know that you lost your father not too long after your wedding. But you do have these photos of him seeing you. And what those mean to you are incomparable.

Well, and you know, the photos that morning that were taken at my house, were also some of the best photo like really kind of the last great photos of him healthy before he declined and ultimately passed away. And so there are these photos of me coming down from so my childhood were already at my parents home. And my childhood bedroom was empty, because I had just moved out. So I had gotten ready in my childhood bedroom. And then I came down the stairs of the house in my wedding attire, in my wedding dress, and my dad was there, and they're probably some of my favorite photos from the wedding. And you know, and those are no photos that I get to cherish and remember him as he was before the end. Yeah, so.

So separative just at being a photo op too - like if the cameras weren't there, you'd still have that moment. So I think yeah, this is why I drew drew back to the start of this conversation. Think about who you want there with you because those emotions are going to be high. And if you want something, again, depending on the scale of people at your wedding, because if it's really small, it's really not gonna make a difference. But if it's, if it's a little bit bigger, having that moment that is just private and calm, is such a cool gift. Do you want your best friends. Are they? Are they your people? Are they the ones who are going to be, who are gonna give you that touching moment? Is it your parents? Is it your partner? Where do you want to prioritize that? And then make your decisions from there?

Yeah,

Right. So and you know, those emotions, and those feelings tend to come right back up. So that's something also to think about by intentionally planning these moments, you are creating memories that are you're going to carry you forward 10 years, 20 years, 30 years later, you know, and, and I'm kind of saying this, from the perspective even of like, even if your relationship, not that we ever go into marriage thinking about it, let's say your marriage ends, by having these intentional moments with those that you care about, that you most care about, who you know, are going to be in your life, hopefully, for the long term. Parents, you know, best friends, things like that, you know, you're already building those more positive memories around your wedding or those that day because you're sharing it with those people who you know, yeah, part of your life forever.

Yeah. So to frame that as a not like, it's not a safeguard against what could go wrong. But instead, it's going beyond thinking that it's just you and your other partner, remembering, again, that you are an individual, and you have a community. Excuse me, maybe you have multiple communities, and love, whatever form it takes, however long it lasts, includes more than just one other person, no matter how we feel it. If it's romantic love toward one person. There's love extended to their community and vice versa. Right. So yeah, don't right off the day, the getting ready portion of it. It's not something that just can be forgotten about. I mean, it can be, but there's so much potential for meaning in that time,

Yep, meaning, purpose and, fun memories.

Yeah,

You know, I think something just to kind of, kind of add to it, because it's a common conversation that we see right, you know, with with your wedding party for getting ready, in the morning is even like matching pajamas, or the robes

So cute

Right? So and you know, all things aside, we know those robes have a lot of issues with inclusivity, and different body types and different body sizes. But you can do things you know where you can go and find pajamas elsewhere and get you know labels put on them. You can do things like you know, I don't know about you, but I would love to see like even the guys getting ready in like matching shirts, or something like that.

Very much so. And you know, and it kind of also building on that too - just kind of a completely aside, because we've talked and touched on the hair and the makeup and the service these special services that happen usually during our getting ready period. I will have to ask the question, what are the guys doing? Because I'm also a big fan of looking for opportunities to bring other people in so that the guys can feel pampered as well.

Yeah, we're looking at, if we're looking at a hetero normative couple situation wedding piles here, you know, you don't have to ascribe to everything that's been done because you fall into a very well represented demographic. Break free of the chains. And yeah, and, like let's get back to a place where we're not sort of emotionally excusing men from love, from weddings, from relationships, and instead we are intentionally emotionally including them by making it clear that they have a part in the whole wedding process.

Very much so.

And by also making it a an intentional practice to communicate and relationship build and to develop emotional intelligence with your partner. No matter no matter if you are raised to be told that that's not important for you because you're a dude.

And you know, and so when we're talking about that with this idea of like the dudes hanging out, drinking the beer, whatever, like what things can we do? Well, you know, I think one of the things is you bring in a barber, who can provide, you know, services, maybe they want their fade cleaned up, or they want their beard trimmed, or whatever, so that they everybody can feel really dapper. Maybe this looks like bringing in spa services, manis and pedis people, why not? We're taking that time for a little bit of self care, a little bit of indulgence, and we're really kind of getting to feel ready. You know, it's this idea of getting ready. So what are we doing to get ready,

If we allow girls to go through that whole rigmarole and pampering? Then we definitely got to allow guys to be pampered a little bit too.

Yep. I've actually even seen and heard of just popped into my brain. But I've even heard of massage therapists being brought in to provide massage for the wedding party. At the morning of the wedding while people are getting ready

To gather, gather each set of parents and yourselves and do like a group meditation.

Whatever, whatever. Yeah, honestly, there's so many things that you can do in that morning and being purposeful and intentional about it to create something that is fun, and meaningful, does not affect your timing of the day later on. You know you can really create some wonderful memories.

Yeah. All right. Well, on that note, we've come to the end of our topic today. So next week, join us we're going to be discussing photography and videography. I know that was a big surprise. And you're really wondering what our next topic would be, since we didn't talk about it at all today. So we're going to help you sort through all of those set packages that are out there. The shot list that you can find, and figure out what makes the most sense for your wedding, for your purpose. And you know why options exist, what they're there for? Why they may be a good option for you, or why they are the perfect thing to get rid of ASAP. So you can check out our website unweddingmovement.com for more info on info on who we are - talking - I almost made it. On who we are, what we do. You can also follow the movement on TikTok on Instagram @unweddingmovement. We'll be back next week with that good stuff. So until then, cheers,

Cheers.

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