Episode #19 | Wedding After Care | What Weddings are Made Of | The Un-Wedding Podcast

Corina Waldie 0:11

Welcome to the Un-Wedding Podcast. I'm Corina,

Sydney Spidell 0:14

and I'm Sydney.

Corina Waldie 0:15

We're two neurodiverse wedding planners who are committed to empowering nearlyweds to throw out the wedding rulebook, shrink their guests lists and create a meaningful, purposeful wedding experience. We're taking the wedding industry by storm and disrupting the status quo. We're the Un-Wedding planners and we invite you to join our movement.

Sydney Spidell 0:32

We record our podcast from Treaty Six Territory, a traditional gathering place for diverse indigenous peoples, including the Cree, Blackfoot, Metis, Nakota Sioux, Iroquois, Dene, Ojibwe, Saulteaux, Anishinaabe, Inuit, and many others, whose histories, languages and cultures continue to influence our vibrant community.

Corina Waldie 0:57

Welcome to another wedding Wednesday here on the Un-Wedding podcast. In our final episode in the series, What Weddings Are Made Of, we're going over everything that happens once the party is over. This is the good stuff, like honeymoons and presents, the boring stuff like you know, tying up your contracts and calculating gratuities, and even the stuff that will kind of bum you out, like the frenzy of celebrating your love coming to an end. It all starts with taking a breath, soaking it all in and giving yourself a moment to rest.

Sydney Spidell 1:27

Yeah, like we're very, throughout this whole thing, we've made sure that you take into account the time that your body needs to just recuperate from things, the time that you might emotionally need to, to, you know, transition through different events and stuff. And it is the same when it all wraps up too is that you're still transitioning, because I think people, one of those things, when you're when you're putting the wedding into the same sort of definition as marriage is, then it seems like it ends and it's not ending like your wedding is the start of something. It's like commencement. The end of high school everybody's like, Oh, it's the end, it's graduation. But no, you're commencing you're starting.

Corina Waldie 2:12

Yeah.

Sydney Spidell 2:12

this is beginning.

Corina Waldie 2:14

Well, and the other thing too, when it comes to rest, like you know, we've talked a lot about this before. But typically planning a wedding is a really stressful experience, especially in those final few weeks, you've got lots of people coming into town, you're sort of tying up, you know, all the little loose ends, making sure everything's ready to go. And then on the wedding day itself. It's an exhausting day, even if even if it's a smaller wedding, there's a lot that typically happens. Like I can promise you with my wedding day, I was up for 22 hours straight on three hours of sleep. And I was so exhausted that the following day, because it's really this like, like I said, there's just so much happening, all of this, like, you know, this buildup has been happening not even just for those months or, you know, days prior, we're talking sometimes years of build up. So it's, you know, all of this exciting anticipation, you have this great big day. And then, you know, all of a sudden, we're sort of transitioning into this whole new period of your lives, where you're starting. You're starting your marriage, and also just giving your body that opportunity to really sort of kind of come down from the proverbial highs that typically go along with that. So you can move forward a little bit more normalicy.

Sydney Spidell 3:25

Yeah, I mean, you've been celebrating, we all get hangovers kind of kind of extend the concept out a little bit. You might need to recuperate for a moment, I think to that transition. And when you do mix, you know what a wedding is, and with what a marriage is. It can really trigger that sadness, too, though, it can trigger like, Oh, now it's over. Now what? You know,

Corina Waldie 3:55

Yeah, well, you've spent a lot of time, you've spent a lot of money. There's also a lot of like, you know, I said it before, but just, there's so much excitement and sort of build up around, you know, leading to this day. And then your wedding is over. And everybody's like, okay, bye, moving on with my life, and it's just done. There's the really it's almost like going cold turkey. Because you know, especially with all that attention and all that focus and all this like said all these things on you by your loved ones, and you get married, nobody can really cares too much anymore.

Sydney Spidell 4:29

Yeah.

Corina Waldie 4:29

That can be difficult. Like, I know, you're

Sydney Spidell 4:32

Like, oh, I have to do this on my own now. It's like, well with your partner. But yeah.

Corina Waldie 4:38

Like, let's call it what it is. It's almost like you know, like a post wedding blues, like not unkind of like, in some ways, you know, baby blues, obviously, you know, different but there's such a drastic transition that happens. It's natural to feel a little bit of sadness or depression about what you have just you know, gone through. And like I said, the loss of that, because there is a perceived loss there, that can definitely happen. And then, like I said, you're moving on to starting this whole new chapter. You know, even if you've lived with your partner prior to getting married, there is a drastic change. I personally feel that someone like that happens, there's a shift that happens when you actually start your marriage. So, you know, it's natural to have that, like I said, that little bit of sadness.

Sydney Spidell 5:29

Well where's the fanfare? You know, yeah, shouldn't, shouldn't we be celebrating? You know, this thing every single, every single day? And you know what, though? Like, yeah, it's just, just might not gonna, it's might not go I know, you know, you're, you're not involving all of these other parties in it. But I think that's one of the lessons to be learned in this too, is that when there isn't some big party celebrating your love every single day? What are you doing to create little celebrations, right? Because that, that wedding being that thing that sort of launches you into it, doesn't need to stop you from then continuing to celebrate your love on an ongoing basis on the smaller scale?

Corina Waldie 6:16

Well, and I...

Sydney Spidell 6:16

And that is also I think, sort of drive you out of that, that post wedding blues, right? Because you're going like, Okay, we do have something to celebrate every single day.

Corina Waldie 6:25

Well, very much. And, you know, if you look at the strongest marriages, and the best marriages, and people that have been together for a long time, they will always tell you that the best marriages are those where you do take those moments, and you do build into your relationship. So whether that is regular date nights, whether that is you know, just you know, having some kind of a ritual, Jon and I have a number of silly rituals that if people saw them, or a party, you know, saw us doing them, they probably laugh at us, but we don't care like to us, that's how we communicate, like, our love to each other, our fondness for each other. You know, and that's, I think it goes such a long way into building a strong marriage is taking this time to like, remember that, you know, this is you're really just moving forward into this next chapter of life with this other person. And now, you know, let's remember the, you know, my, I lost my train of thought,

Sydney Spidell 7:23

Well, okay, one of these are the concepts that we've brought into the conversation throughout all of this is that idea of this whole wedding planning process being a team building exercise. You're right, you're like you're kind of this engagement period is separate from your marriage, and that you're kind of having everything sort of thrown at you in a shorter, more condensed period of time. So is it any wonder that stepping into marriage isn't going to be the exact same as stepping into wedding planning. It's, you want that, but you've had this time then to set you up for these problems. Now you get to live in the moment, now you get to take it day by day. Take those lessons that you guys learned together while planning your wedding, and apply them to those things going on. So you do know how to navigate that family drama, you do know how to navigate, financial issues together, you also do know how to navigate finding the purpose behind your celebrations and behind the things that means a lot to you. And if you've worked with us, then you've done that purpose thing throughout all of it. And everything that you've said in your vows, then, is something that you can actively work at exercising every single day of your marriage. So it's not like there's not stuff to do, right? It's just about adjusting to this new pace. And using these tools that you put into your toolbox.

Corina Waldie 8:41

Exactly. Well, I think too, you're going from, you know, it's also important to kind of give yourself a little bit of grace as you adjust. Because when you think about the days leading up to your wedding, when you're talking about pace, it's very fast paced, there's a lot happening, there's a lot going on, and then you transition into marriage. And you're, you're establishing this sort of long term, you know, sort of flow and way about things. You know, I've been married for 10 years, Jon, and I have a very established flow with how things go day to day. And it's very different flow than in the days leading up to your wedding with all the anxiety and all the excitement and all those other sorts of things. So yeah, it's adjusting to that new life together as part of this you know, larger transition period of going from engaged to married.

Sydney Spidell 9:29

Yeah, yeah. And I think normal doesn't have to be boring, right? Normal can be exciting. So it can be whatever you want to be. But also know, you're not alone. If you're, you know, missing the fervor and excitement of the wedding planning process. Maybe y'all just need to do a vow renewal or maybe gotta hold more dinner parties. Who knows, you know, find, find ways to replace that excitement, and you, yeah, don't have to lay that on the web, like your marriage is not the problem with feeling sad. It's just a life transition

Very much so. it's a life transition, and let's be honest, because you know, so many couples are transitioning to other things, buying a house, maybe having a, starting their families, doing all other sorts of things. So you can, if you really want to think about it, it's just shifting your focus to the, the next life stage that you're working on together. Because I think it's so important to recognize and remember and you know, is that this is a team that you and your partner in a team, and you're now, you know, the wedding was just sort of the kickoff to you building this life together. And there is a lot to be excited about within that. If you have, you know, I'm assuming, hopefully, you know, that healthy, amazing relationship and friendship that goes along with that.

Absolutely. So okay, then you've, you've taken a moment to breathe, center yourself, get into the moment, give a little kissy fishy to your BFF there, and then, life begins again. But, there's still little loose ends to tie up, and what might those be. I think the most obvious thing that I think of, of like, wedding stuff that might still be holding over are the photos, like that's ever all, like, I want my pictures, I want to see those pictures.

Oh yeah, you want to revisit the day, revisit the memory, photos are a great way to do that. Or if you've also, and or if you've had a videographer getting that video back as well, that's also really exciting. There's a lot of, you know, excited anticipation, it's the conclusion of the contract with your photographer and, or videographer. But there is also just in general, there could be things that need to happen based on your contractual obligations. Now if you've had a planner, hopefully your planner has prepared you and walked you through everything that you need to do in order to sort of like you know, tie the neat little bow, but this could look like, final payments, maybe something came up on the day of the wedding, you know, most vendors do require full payment in advance, or final payment on the day of depending on who the vendor is. But you know, it's just making sure that your contractual obligations for the services that you received are all, you know, neatly tidied up and dealt with. This could also look like returning items, so if you've rented things, or borrowed things from friends or family, it's, you know, ensuring that those items are returned. You know, there's other things too, like, you know, maybe you want to provide additional gratuities or tips to certain people that maybe you didn't have an opportunity to tip on the wedding day because you weren't prepared for it, and you want to just sort of thank them afterwards. You know, I think the other thing to think about too, is even providing reviews or going through any sort of, you know, maybe questionnaire about the process that your vendors might send you, so that you can provide them valuable feedback. Reviews, especially like, I say this all the time, that I would almost rather have a positive review from one of our clients than a cash tip, don't get me wrong. I like the cash. And, you know, it gives you a little fun money for whatever. But it's those reviews, when you've taken that time to really like, you know, go back and leave something, whether it's on Google or whether that's wherever else you're, you know, sending out or even, heck if you email to me, you know, it means so much to me as a vendor to know that the client was so so happy with everything that happened. And also it helps us to get more business in the future, and that's why I say, you know, if you feel that that vendor is worthy of a review, please leave one. Because it really does go so far in helping us to continue to grow our businesses.

Yeah, well, I think that what a lot of consumers who don't have service businesses of their own or connections to people who work like that might not realize is that the continued business, the ongoing ability to provide that business, comes from the reputation of your business, and primarily, although people will invest in advertising within this industry, a lot of it is word of mouth, as well, and those recommendations go so so far. So if you think about, how those businesses work as a consumer, although it might feel a little bit time consuming or something it is honestly just your portion of that relationship. It's a reminder that no business relationship is ever one sided. You don't just you know, get something, you know, you're, you're paying for a service and you're and as being a consumer you're also then expected to let the provider know if their service is good enough, if they have places to improve, if they would be would would get a recommendation from you. And if you're not a wordsmith, if you know, the five star review is the best way to go for you on Google and like it was great, then that's fine. But if you do have a way with words, or you have a particular experience with any one of your vendors that stood out to you and made the day better, my recommendation would be to do a testimonial above and beyond just a review on something. A testimonial stands aside is usually a little bit longer of a blurb that you're writing, and is something then that that vendor can put on their website or in their testimonial collection. Which is then, you know, just reinforcing that they're a real person who has done work for real people. And that I mean, as I as me, as a consumer, I look for those all the time to know, okay, did this did somebody actually like this before?

Well, exactly. And I think with weddings, in particular, it's not an industry that you're typically coming back to over and over and over again. So if when you're a newlywed, or an engaged person who is looking for a vendor, those reviews are really sort of what gives you that confidence that this person knows what they're, they're doing those testimonials, because there is a lot that rides on a wedding day, there's a lot of, yeah, there's a lot that rides on that. And you want to ensure that you're getting, you know, the best level of service and the best level of experience from these from these vendors moving into that, that planning, the planning process. So yeah, your testimony. So far,

even if something isn't good, not giving that feedback to that vendor can be, you know, the catalyst for them, then having that same poor service experience with another person. Or it could be the thing that you know, doesn't get them any more reviews, then all of a sudden anymore in their businesses is done, which perhaps that's just the natural evolution of what's to come. But if you can just say, you know, we'd loved these things, this is where it would have been better. That feedback opportunity allows that vendor to see something that maybe they just didn't notice before, because they're human being who doesn't have skills everywhere and goes, Okay, this is something I need to tackle, and then the next project that they do is going to be better, and it's gonna be better because of you and your and your testimonial, or your review or your suggestion or whatever.

Well, yeah, and that feedback, if you're not comfortable if you don't have to post it necessarily publicly, or if it's not something you know, worth mentioning on a review that is read publicly, there's still a lot of value in sending an email or sending, or even saying, "Hey, can we go for coffee, I just want to tell you about like X, Y, and Z" emails probably typically best. But it just allows a vendor to address weak points in our on our process, like we have, oftentimes, we're managing multiple events, multiple weddings, we want to ensure. the vast majority of vendors, we want to ensure that, you know, every client that walks through our doors, or that we're dealing with has a wonderful experience with our brands. And by providing that those little pieces of feedback, even if you don't think it really matters, you know, I might receive a piece of feedback and say, oh, okay, well, you know, sorry, or whatever, that doesn't work for me. But maybe it will lead to something that makes my process or our process that much better for the next client who comes along. Right. So yeah,

Pay it forward.

those reviews are just so yeah, it's the pay it forward, pay for it ideology.

Yeah, I think too, when you have something that does require deliverables, like your photos, or any videography done, you know, obviously, you want to wait until you have the product to give your full opinion of what's going on, because you're not going to know everything about it, you know, maybe it seemed like the process was really good, and then you get your photos back, and they are not what you wanted at all. In that case, then too, especially if you have a planner, that planner can help you navigate your contract agreement with that vendor to be like, "Okay, so now that we have our deliverables, and we see that there's a disconnect between what was promised in your contract and what you received. So what can we do to, to help like, reconcile that?" So occasionally, there might be something like that, that comes up where there's more work to be done. That's not so common in a live event. It really is just with those things that might have deliverable. But where might you see that other than photography and videography? If you have somebody like preserving your dress or your flowers or something like that, Maybe, I don't know, I can't really think of too many other things.

Yeah, well, like, it's not like I say, that's not necessarily this huge laundry list of things to be done. But it's just like I said, it's tidying up those little bits and pieces, and making sure that you're, you know, moving forward with your wedding, or from your wedding into this married life without anything that's kind of hanging, you know, over your head or whatever. You know, and in terms of like, like, deliverables, those deliverables, like your galleries are typically, you know, they will, they'll bring those memories back to your wedding day, and the moments of joy. And also to sometimes it's such a busy day that, you know, you don't realize everything that's going on, and the photos and the video can help sort of, you know, help you experience that for the first time. You know, for the first time or again, right, just kind bring back fun joy and memories

Gives you a bit more informed, to share your reflections with them, too, right?

Yeah, absolutely. But I think one of the questions that always sort of happens is like, you have the wedding, and then you usually have some kind of period of like honeymoon or a mini moon or other sorts of things that might happen typically in the days after the wedding. So you know, what can that look like? You know, I think there is so many different options, you definitely don't need to head off on your honeymoon right away. If that is not reasonable, whether fiscally or timewise. For you, you can always do it at a later date. There's so many different options.

Real quick, though, you don't have to do a honeymoon either. First of all, there's no no requirements to have a honeymoon and where this concept came from, they're actually relatively new in the history of weddings. So again, we like to talk about the tradition of, behind things. Point out where flawed origins of things might be from like, that whole like lifting of the veil, tradition, and stuff like that talk, talking about things that may not so long stand. The honeymoon has never really had too much of like a problematic history or anything behind it, it has been far, far more recent. But it is important, I think, to keep in mind that a honeymoon is a privilege and like so many of the things on our overall 'what weddings are made of' checklist, so many of this stuff is a privilege, that is where these came from, they came from privileged classes who were able to take a break from work or responsibilities after a wedding. Primarily it was like to go visit family in distant areas who were unable to make it to the wedding and by distance it could be like I don't know, if you're in England, like 45 minutes down the road. They didn't go very far. But you know, kind of it's an it's an ongoing portion of the celebration where you get to share it with more people who might live far away, or what it had sort of transitioned into becoming is more of this moment for you to just like take a trip and celebrate it, And I think you know again other than the fact that that is a very privileged position to be in to be able to just drop everything and go, if you have vacation time if you have something built up in your in your work life that can allow you to get away, everybody deserves a break and what an awesome reason to plan a vacation and to coordinate it and schedule it up. So if you take away from the thinking of like a honeymoon has to be something entirely separately if you just make your honeymoon your vacation for that year, it might be a little bit easier to sort of like I don't know excuse, that's the wrong word for it, but, defend having it I, I suppose.

I don't even think it's necessarily...

What's the word that I'm looking for? I know because there's a very charged, what's the word I'm looking for?

I have no idea

But you know if you if you feel like you can't justify there we go the expense of a honeymoon but you were going to do a vacation or something anyway, that's a really good way to sort of be like no okay, we can do a honeymoon because like let's just go away because we were gonna go away we needed a break. Invite friends, bring them along, share cost, so many ways you can do it.

Camping

just kind of get that like that rest period. Not camping, well you know I guess if that's your thing.

Under the stars, no tents, you know, pull out the psychedelics, the perfect honeymoon!

We talked about that rest period. So the honeymoon can definitely or mini moon, and even if it's just a few days, that can really much build into your, that rest period that you sort of take in the immediate aftermath of your wedding. But you know, if you are going to do a honeymoon, you know, I'm actually of the opinion. So there's this idea or that you especially like, you know, 20, 30 years ago, where you would leave your reception and go to the airport or leave your reception and go immediately on your honeymoon. And I'm kind of actually totally against that, and I'll tell you why. Because it's just, you're really, especially if you're traveling, especially if you're flying somewhere, it's exhausting to come off your wedding day to head directly to the airport to head directly down south. And you're going to spend the first three days of your holiday sleeping, because that is literally like as you come down from all of that high, you can actually miss out on some of your vacation just because you're so tired. So what I actually do recommend, if you can do it, is waiting a day or two, and then leaving, if you're looking to do your honeymoon afterwards, this allows you to say goodbye to your relatives, maybe do a gift opening, a brunch, or whatever, you know, have a good night's sleep, maybe cash your checks from your gifts if you so choose. So that you have spending money depends on your financial situation, of course. But then you can go and actually, like, enjoy the entirety of the trip without kind of coming off that high and that excitement and subsequent exhaustion from your wedding and really being able to almost treat it as an entirely separate entity from your wedding and really being able to enjoy that time with your partner.

Another thing that we had talked about, like in a previous episode, we were talking about the showers and all of those pre wedding events where you might get gifts. We had spoken about how that was, that tradition came out of the fact that most of these couples were in a shared experience of this is their first home. And understanding that today's couples are not necessarily in that same situation, be it just that, you know, we're already a little bit established by the time we do choose to, to get married, or if it's a second or subsequent marriage as well. All of these factors that come into place at where you are in your time in life when you decide to tie the knot. So with the honeymoon, that's a good thing to consider too is, you know, we don't just have a honeymoon already prepared for us. Nobody does, right. So if you're looking for a way to sort of translate those wedding gifts, if you have your whole house set up if you're prepared for life, friends of mine did this actually, they planned their honeymoon and everything. But then they had this gift registry that was for the experiences along their honeymoon. So their honeymoon was actually a tour of ball diamonds across North America. And so they just went to see a whole lot of baseball games. And so you could purchase for them the tickets to certain ballgames. You could purchase for them, their meals, their hotels, various things like that. And it was. I don't even remember what the service is that they used for it. But it's such a great alternative to those traditionally, or traditional things that you might register for. And especially if a honeymoon, a big fantastic vacation does seem a little bit extravagant for you, why not get the people to pitch in and allow you to do something that you wouldn't have otherwise. Go live in high high luxury for a bit.

Well, yeah, and the service that you're talking about is called Honey funds. And so yeah, you can send that out much like you would send out a gift registry and people can can purchase and you can set that up for...

It could be, I don't know if that's the one they used. So I don't want to say that it is.

I think there might be a couple of other alternatives. But Honey fund is the one that is sort of the largest one in the industry that's well known for that. But yeah, it's a great way especially like you say, if you're completely already set up in a household, you don't need all of the gifts. You know, it's a great way people can contribute towards a wonderful experience for you and your partner to take maybe your honeymoon from what you could afford up to something that's that much better and that much nicer, to really kind of commemorate, you know, and really celebrate that time together.

One of the things too, I just wanted to jump back for a second. Because then we're it leads into what we're talking about next. But when talking about vendors. One of the things that we didn't totally mention on, is as a separate concept is thanking people saying thank you. And this can be done of course with your testimonials or your gratuities or whatever. But as a note, if on the day, you're able to just take a second and tip your cap to your vendors who are on site when you see them and say thanks for the great work you did today, then that's awesome. But even if you don't get to do that, there's still should be, or, if they're one of the vendors that aren't on site, on the day of, still try and make sure that you are doing something, an email, a phone call, a text, an E card, you know, something that just says, "Thanks for your effort, we appreciate it." Just acknowledge the fact that your vendors put however many, you know,

Blood sweat and tears?

Weeks, months, years, hours, into your event

Months, weeks, years, hours, however much the time.

Just the same as much as you did. And although it doesn't mean the same thing to them as it will to you like it's your wedding. Every single thing that we do, you know, is a product of our business, every event that we put on is a product of our business, and we are proud of those things. So it may not be our wedding, we can't claim ownership of it like that, but, there is still an inherent ownership in all of your vendors at all of those events. Just because it's your wedding doesn't mean it isn't also special to them, too. So yeah, seriously, give, give a thank you for for the effort. Because that's going to mean a whole heck of a lot to them.

Yeah. And like I said, it honestly means so, so, so much. Like we could do probably a whole and we probably will, in the future, do a whole video on thanking and tipping. Tipping specifically, because there is a lot of controversy, a lot of discussions, a lot of different materials out there about tipping and not tipping and who you tip and why you tip and so on and so forth. Even if you're not giving a tip, just taking that, intentionally taking that time to thank them means the absolute world. I know for me, especially, I can speak like, you know, we're usually putting like we said, we've put a lot of effort into your day blood, sweat and tears. And just taking that moment to say thank you, for me anyway, is, it makes it all worth it for me. Like, but that's me like I can't speak to that for every vendor.

Well, we're under making it for, for, for the fact that we'd like to do our business. But in the end, the client is you. We want the client to be happy. Very much, and having that little reassurance of you did this, for me, is enormous. It's enormous, unmeasurable.

It is, it very much is. Yeah. But also, you know, in terms of thanking people, you should be also thanking your guests too, like so, you know, we talked a little bit there about the honeymoons, about gifts, things like that.

Who needs to! Those people!

But you know, there is a lot of, you know, things around this idea of thank you cards or writing thank you cards or sending some kind of acknowledgment or thank you message to your guests, you know, you know, traditionally this is a handwritten note, you'll get a bunch of cards made, sometimes you will, a lot of couples will wait oftentimes till they get their gallery, so they can send a wedding photo along with them or have their cards made with one of their wedding photos on it. You know, when you're opening your gifts, it's important to sort of keep a bit of a ledger about who gave you what, especially if you're going in, you know, this traditional, very traditional way of writing notes.

Yeah, right off side note to wedding guests in here, please make sure you address who your gift is from.

Yes, yes, so you know who to thank. You know, I think the other part of that, too, is also, you know, with, that you don't necessarily have to do thank you cards, but you need to, you should thank your guests in some ways. I think in modern, you know, in modern days, you know, hand writing, some of us don't even have legible handwriting, we're so used to typing, there's absolutely nothing wrong with typing out your cards, or even emailing like, you know, maybe you have a nice digital card, also a little bit more environmentally friendly. Maybe put together something really nice on Canva or another kind of whatever photo editing software you have. And then, you know, typing out a personal note and sending that via email. I don't think there's anything wrong with that because you're still thanking the person and you're still taking the time and effort to do so. So, you know, I'm, like I said, this is that that is a little bit of a controversial opinion. But frankly, you know, I do think that digital is also okay, as long as you're saying thank you in some way,

In my mind. Okay, we know like everybody knows about the love languages, but they're also similar concepts that had been researched for apologies and for gratitude as well. So if you again, the reason that it's controversial is because people get so freakin attached to tradition. This is the way it's done. This is the proper way to do things. And that's all well and good, but if you think about it, if you're getting your back up about somebody stepping away from the way something has been done, because you think it's not proper, and yet they're acknowledging the way that people actually prefer things. You're kind of the one being an asshole, not them, right. So, if you're, if you're doing something intentional for being intentional, and you're thinking about the people you're thanking, this is also such an excellent argument, Corina right for small weddings, because the smaller your guest list is the fewer people you have to thank.

Oh my, okay.

This is practicality people!

Guilty! Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Okay, I need to I need to share this because I'm totally guilty.

This is your on air confessional.

So when we got married, this is my on air confession. I never wrote thank you notes to my 150 Plus guests. I have taken flack from certain family members since that I never did so. And admittedly, the reason we didn't is life, and I know that this is like probably the weakest of excuses. But in the year after we got married, it was a gong show. We did get the cards printed we just never actually wrote the letters and wrote the actual thank you notes and sent them it's actually something I do kind of regret not doing.

You also didn't know you had ADHD then I'll just quickly point out. Here's another reason why I don't love the way that, that like thank you cards go out. And a reason that I would argue that saying that they're that that's the only way to go is actually kind of exclusionary think about accessibility on the behalf of the couples to going out like that, that concept of just writing a whole bunch of thank you cards and trying to adequately thank somebody for something, especially if you're then concerned about the way that people are going to respond if you don't write it the right way or say the right thing or something because Hello, Anxiety. All of those things can be crippling to people.

It's also tedious. I'm going to be blunt writing thank you cards is so tedious. Just yeah, like it is I don't know to me, it is the epitome of like yeah, of tedium. It's really the best way to say it.

It's not a task that you want to do, and I think that that's an excellent distinction, though is similar to an apology is a thank you gonna mean as much as the other person doesn't want to give it. So it's not that somebody doesn't want to say thank you to you, but they want to be able to say thank you in a way that actually means something to them. I know that I'm going to feel like a fraud if I just go around sending people thank you cards, that means shit all to me. But if you know,

Words of affirmation are a good thing.

especially if I have a smaller wedding, let's say, then what I could do is over the next number of weeks, have each sort of little collective unit of those guests over for brunch, and just hang out and at some point in it drop a little "by the way, this is just that we could say thank you for coming to our wedding and being a part of it." You don't have to do with thank you card, but could you imagine doing that that would be sick, right?

Or, heck, we live in this modern day and age of like, especially over the last couple of years, everybody knows how to use FaceTime and Zoom. I don't think there's honestly anything wrong

Hop on a video call and say thank you.

with hopping on a video call and saying thank you, or if you know, they're a little more old school, like I'm thinking about older relatives who might not have necessarily adapted to technology, even just a straight up phone call if, if that's uh, you know, if that makes sense for you, you know, even I think honestly, that's more personal, to be honest, like, I would rather have somebody thank me over video or, you know, through a telephone call or inviting me over instead of just writing a generic, thank you note. Like, you know, the you know, another great way though, if you're especially if you've had a larger wedding, because I think obviously with with smaller weddings, this is so much easier, you're focusing on your closest loved ones, you've likely seen, you're likely seeing them on the regular basis, you know, so this is very easy and accessible for you to, to do, and individually thank each of your guests for coming and attending. But if you are on the the larger end you know, that's really where those traditional, thank you cards coming, are coming in, because if you're talking about 150, 200, 300 plus people, that's a lot of people to visit and thank and call and etc. So another great strategy to actually do this kind of tying into the previous where we were with your honeymoon is actually especially if you've got a long flight, it's a great way if you've got some cards ready to actually like kind of knock some of it out while you're sitting on the plane is bringing...

Have a little like carpal tunnel brace, couple of really ergonomic pens, have a race between the two of you to see who can fill out more cards before the lunch tray comes around and then the other person has to buy you a drink, you know?

Because then you're still kind of coming off. You're still riding that little bit of a Wedding high, you're still really excited for everything that happens, because I feel like the longer time goes on, the more likely it is that you're not going to do them. So in my case, it was like, oh, yeah, I'll do that. Oh, yeah, I'll do that. Oh, and then this thing happened. And then it got pushed further and further down the priority list. Until it was like, I think we eventually actually, like recycled the cards, like maybe five years later, because it was just like, every time we saw the pile of cards it was like

You're moving and you're like, this makes me feel bad.

guilt all over again, that we hadn't done them. And eventually, we had like, we can't send these cards anymore, it's been like several years, that would be a freakin joke. So I...

I mean, honestly, though, that's kind of, that sounds like the kind of thing that I would do is 10 years later send the thing, Oh, I found these. That would be the thing that inspires me to do the tedious thing of filling them out is because I think it's so funny. To be an asshole like this. I entertain myself really easily. It's great.

But yeah, yeah, no honestly, like I said, yeah, sorry go ahead.

It just sums up with the idea of these people. We've we've touched on this so many times, we've we've argued this for having a smaller wedding, for the kinds of, for what people you involve in which events, for which events you even have. It all sums up with going, whatever you did choose to do in your wedding process, whoever you did choose to involve, they showed up and they took part. And now it's just up for you to show your gratitude to them for that, whatever that looks like. And if you feel like showing them your gratitude is going to be too big of a thing. Then cut people out and make it smaller, do less things, you know, and like, you have to consider this portion as well. But yeah, if these people came to you, they, they deserve a little pat on the back for it. I think.

Oh you know, very, very, very much so.

Theoretically, they're important to you, so, you know, you want to be able to, to give them that good stuff.

Acknowledge.

Yeah, yeah. Give them that good stuff.

All the good stuff.

Nap time for Sydney. My eye has been consistently watering through this whole conversation, It's been, been great.

All right.

Yeah, okay. Well, I guess that finishes out the series then. That was 'what weddings are made of, from proposal to honeymoon.' We hope that our conversation today has helped you know what to do in the days after your wedding to wrap everything up and deal with those post wedding blues and start your married life in earnest. In our next episode, we're going to do a short two part series, diving deep into purpose and experience design. What are those words? Clearly, you've heard us talk about them every single episode here on the Un-Wedding podcast. We believe that they are so, so pivotal to having an amazing wedding and planning experience. But in the meantime, subscribe to the Un-Wedding podcast on Spotify, Apple podcast, Google podcasts, wherever you podcast, you know, join the conversation on TikTok and Instagram. Seriously, get us doing something on TikTok we need to be more active on there, send us something, send us a problem. We'll do something about it. And on Instagram you can find us at our handle Un-Wedding movement or you can check out our services and resources on our website unweddingmovement.com. So until next time,

Cheers.

You can find us on the Internet at unweddingmovement.com or on Instagram, TikTock, Facebook and Pinterest at Un-Wedding movement. Our podcast episodes are released weekly and available wherever you like to stream